The New (OMG my REAL weight) Plan

So I'm pretty much in shock/freak out mode right now, which is not a healthy place for me to be. Not that anything having to do with food/weight/body is very healthy with me. This is worse than usual though.
I'm starting an herbal "cleanse" tonight that should help get rid of some of the weight inside me.
I think I'll do a healing water fast tomorrow to go along with my cleanse. If I eat when I feel like this I binge, and if I binge while I feel like this I purge. So really the healthiest thing I can do is abstain from food until I get past the "scale shock" of tonight.
I'm just going to browse other blogs and try to regain some control.

Kill Me

I decided to join Weight Watchers so that I could have even more accountability and a weekly weigh-in.
When I went to my meeting and weighed in, their scale said 165.8!!!! So basically I want to cry/die.

I came home and threw my piece of shiz scale away. Until further notice, I'll be posting my weight on Monday nights after my "official" weigh-in.

I can't effing believe I've been laboring under the delusion that I'm 6 pounds lighter than I actually am!
Has this ever happened to anyone else? I can't decide whether to binge or puke right now out of disgust for myself.

Subjected to the Scale 161

I gained.

I went out for my friends birthday party at the bar, and I think the combination of "birthday shots" and not eating much lately got me super wasted (which I HATE) and once my inhibitions go... I eat. Drunk munchies are not calorie free, that's for damn sure. I have to be honest and tell you that I almost didn't post my weight because I had gained. But I know I need to post even the bad days for this blog to be legit.
Ugh.

I'm so glad that college starts this week and the discipline and dedication that I put into my classes always transfers over to my diet/exercise plan. Plus I get a free gym membership!

Shout Out

I just want to acknowledge and thank my girls who are following my blog! Thank you so much for your support and comments! CA, lottietogo, Victoria, Lady Destroyed, and Sunny Mc.FatFace... thank you!

Subjected to the Scales 159

I've decided (with some help from my friend Lady Destroyed) that I'll just post my weight everyday. I'm weighing in that often anyway, I might as well share the results. So -.2 today. Lame.

Tip* When I don't eat much and/or workout and my head hurts or my tummy hurts or I feel like crap in general I take 2 Midol. The caffeine gives me a boost and suppresses my appetite, it relieves pain, and helps with water retention. Midol is my little miracle pill even when I'm not PMSing.

On Saddle Bags

The saddle bags on my upper outside thigh, if measured around, are bigger than my shoulders if measured around. This is, by several inches, the widest point of my body. I hate it.
When I start to lose weight my ribs will stick out immediately, my collar bones will look sunken and wonderful, my waist will be small, my stomach flat, but I'll STILL have a huge fatass and saddlebags packed for weeks. People will comment that I'm getting too thin based on the fact that my face looks too thin, my cheekbones too prominent. What these people will fail to recognize is that I *literally* have cellulite to my ankles. In 15 pounds I'll have the ribs of Nicole Richie and the ass of Anna Nicole Smith (pre TrimSpa of course).

Are you a pear?

Calculate your Waist to Hip ratio here: http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/whr

Subjected to the Scale 159.2

I'm having trouble deciding whether I should post my weight every day or once a week... or?
To be honest, I weigh myself at least 3 times a day. But just because I'm constantly subjecting myself to the scale, doesn't mean you have to be constantly subjected to it too. Let me know what you think!

C.P.

Morning weigh-in

159.2

Always Something

I'm always up to something. Some new weird diet I've either made up or heard about. They're always pretty short lived because I get bored. I'm going to try a new "diet plan" every week and then report my results/review. I'll try to find new diets on ana blogs and give credit and links! Some things remain constant with each new plan 1. Caffeine 2. Restriction 3. Water 4. Failure. Hoping to knock that last one outta there!

So for the next ?week? I'm starting my day with One-A-Day Weight Smart vitamins. Vitamins are good, caffeine is good.... win-win! I'll then drink two generic Slim Fasts a day. That's all. Wish me luck on this one! I'll post the calories/fat content later today!

Much love,
C.P.

What Not to Wear if You're a Pear

Hippy women, need to avoid (like the plague) the following items of clothes. If you have any of these items in your wardrobe, donate them to charity. They’ll look better on anyone else.
Bulky fabrics adorned with bows or large frills on your lower-half simply add more girth where you want it least. This is not a technique to hide your flaws.
Bias-cut clingy fabric that falls across the hips or thighs will always go out at the hips, out at the thighs and then in at the knees, making you look like a lightbulb
Any light satin that is designed to “drape” across the hips will make your hips and thighs seem strangely huge
Pants that are shaped in at the calf accentuate the size of your thighs and hips and should be avoided at all costs. No skinny jeans for pear-shaped women.
Bright colours, geometric shapes, horizontal lines, eye-catching patterns on any skirts or trousers draw too much attention to your curves
Shorts other than for sports or exercise. Shorts are all about the thighs and can never be flattering on a woman with broad-thighs (or a man for that matter).
Oh ok, you can wear short-shorts if you are one of those rare skinny pear-shaped women, like Kristen Davis.

PICTURES!

**UPDATE: I've taken my pictures down because I got paranoid about someone I know recognizing me. It would be super embarrassing. Hope you got to look at them before I took them down. If not, and you are curious about how I look, email me and I'll send them to you. **

I have very few pics of my body... I'm sure you can see why. And the fact that these survived means that they're pretty misleading about how I look. All the pics that showcase how chubby I really am, get deleted. Truth.

Pro Ana

I know there is some controversy both outside and within the pro ana/mia community as to who qualifies, why it exists, who is responsible if someone hurts themselves etc.

I love proana blogs. I love thinspiration. I love tips and tricks. I love it all. I'm sure I don't qualify as a pro ana member because I SUCK at anorexia. I just admire, fear, love, and hate them. I think I am pretty disordered when it comes to my eating/dieting/body image, but beyond that... I am what I am. Be pretty and strong and skinny my sisters!

Some of the Things I Do

Sometimes I fast every other day (EODF: every other day fasting)

Sometimes I binge and purge

Sometimes I binge and binge and binge

Sometimes I take pills (prescription, OTC, laxatives, any suggestions?)

Sometimes I join gyms that I'm too embarrassed to work out in

Sometimes I join fat girl clubs like Weight Watchers

Sometimes I hate myself

I ALWAYS hate my body

Fat Stats

I'm overweight and (like my ass) there is no getting around it. So what is a bottom-heavy girl to do? Post all of her embarrassing fat stats and get down to business!

Height: 5' 8"
Current Weight: 163
Bust: 38"
Waist: 28"
Ass: 42.5" YES! YOU READ THAT RIGHT!
One Thigh: 25.5
Arm: 12

You Can't Change Your Shape

...but you can change the shape your fat ass is in.
I'm a pear. I've always been, I'll always be. I've learned to embrace my shape because there is nothing I can do about it (besides getting lipo which isn't happening). What I refuse to embrace is the fat that is hanging on my shape. Just because I'm a pear doesn't mean I have to be a fat pear. I CAN be a skinny pear, I just have to lose a bunch of weight and then keep it off. That should be suuuuuper easy. Right.
I want to be a skinny, in-shape, beautiful pear.
Who's with me?