Update without a scale...

OK so I SUCK at doing the 2-4-6-8 thing. I can fast completely and I can eat a moderate/large amount of calories (800-1500) but I can't eat a very small amount of calories. I don't know why. It's like once I start eating, I just eat. If' I'm fasting, I just fast. So now that I've tried and tried and failed and failed at the ABC and 2-4-6-8 diets, I'm going to admit defeat and move on.

Moving on....

I've done a really great job at keeping myself from buying a scale. I really think I had a problem with the OCD weighing, and I like testing myself in different ways to see if I can cope without my various crutches. This is one of those self-tests. I know I've had some bad days and some really GOOD days with trying to be a skinny pear, I just don't know how it will all play out on the scale yet.

For this week I plan on fasting every other day and eating only lean protein, veggies, and whatever else I'm forced to cram down my throat because of social/family pressure. I don't have a specific calorie count in mind for non-fasting days because I really can't be bothered. I know if I eat things that are approved and fast the next day, a couple hundred calories here and there aren't going to be THAT huge of a deal.

So... a status update without knowing how much I weigh: last weekend I wore my old jeans from 2000/2001! Yay!

My meals for the day

I didn't eat yesterday and only drank green tea and water. I felt like a million bucks all day. It's amazing how good I feel when I don't eat!
Today is an eating day. Not an overeating day.

Meals:
Breakfast: Water

Lunch: my version of a hamburger which is 1/4c. browned ground beef, 3 mini pickles, and 1 low carb cracker.

Dinner: raw carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, and sugar snap peas with 1 tblsp ranch dressing.

The New (OMG my REAL weight) Plan

So I'm pretty much in shock/freak out mode right now, which is not a healthy place for me to be. Not that anything having to do with food/weight/body is very healthy with me. This is worse than usual though.
I'm starting an herbal "cleanse" tonight that should help get rid of some of the weight inside me.
I think I'll do a healing water fast tomorrow to go along with my cleanse. If I eat when I feel like this I binge, and if I binge while I feel like this I purge. So really the healthiest thing I can do is abstain from food until I get past the "scale shock" of tonight.
I'm just going to browse other blogs and try to regain some control.

Kill Me

I decided to join Weight Watchers so that I could have even more accountability and a weekly weigh-in.
When I went to my meeting and weighed in, their scale said 165.8!!!! So basically I want to cry/die.

I came home and threw my piece of shiz scale away. Until further notice, I'll be posting my weight on Monday nights after my "official" weigh-in.

I can't effing believe I've been laboring under the delusion that I'm 6 pounds lighter than I actually am!
Has this ever happened to anyone else? I can't decide whether to binge or puke right now out of disgust for myself.

Always Something

I'm always up to something. Some new weird diet I've either made up or heard about. They're always pretty short lived because I get bored. I'm going to try a new "diet plan" every week and then report my results/review. I'll try to find new diets on ana blogs and give credit and links! Some things remain constant with each new plan 1. Caffeine 2. Restriction 3. Water 4. Failure. Hoping to knock that last one outta there!

So for the next ?week? I'm starting my day with One-A-Day Weight Smart vitamins. Vitamins are good, caffeine is good.... win-win! I'll then drink two generic Slim Fasts a day. That's all. Wish me luck on this one! I'll post the calories/fat content later today!

Much love,
C.P.