Bingie Bingerson the Bingiest Girl in Bingetown

Two days. Two whole days.
Two days of doing nothing but eat. Opening the fridge, searching the cupboards, making weird combinations of foods just so that I could eat SOMETHING, ANYTHING, EVERYTHING.
Cheeze-Its and Ceasar dressing? Yes.
Heart-Shaped Box of Chocolates? Don't mind if I do.
Two entire pizzas? A snack.
A tin of caramel popcorn leftover from Christmas? My God.
And so on and so forth....
I'm still not done. Even though I've come to place where I can say, "you're binging you've had enough, you can stop now." I know I won't. I always know when a binge is over, and this isn't it. No amount of reading, writing, thinspo, etc can get me off a binge once one is in full-swing. It has to run it's course. I haven't even been purging as much I should be. The binges are so frequent and steady that I'd be puking all day and my throat is already sore and my eyes are already bloodshot. I know today isn't the last day, I can't speak for tomorrow.

A Hot Cake, A Hot Flash, A Hot Mess

This morning I made whole wheat honey pancakes for breakfast with raspberries and cool whip for the little. I decided I'd eat one too, and when I did I got really REALLY hot all of a sudden. I felt dizzy and nauseated and I started sweating. What the heck? Has anyone had this happen? What could be the cause? I'm thinking it's the sugar?! I haven't been eating much sugar/carbs so maybe it was a reaction? I feel better now, but blech! I won't be doing that again any time soon!

I've been doing GREAT on my eating! I've eaten less than 500 calories for 4 days now and two of those days were below 300! I haven't purged for a few days because my food intake has been so small so my throat is feeling much better.

I'm really excited! My friend gave me two of her phentermine pills yesterday. I think I'll take one Tuesday and one Thursday and see if they help me fast Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week!

Back and Bettah Than Evah!

A quick update on how my days are going-- I'm not entirely proud of my status report, but it is what it is.
I start everyday with a lovely breakfast of: my multi-vitamin (one-a-day weight smart), my hoodia diet pills, and smoking a ciggy. Blech.
I've been purging at least once a day again, which is not great. I hate it. I haven't been "binging" really. It's not like I'm eating thousands of calories in a sitting, I've been purging "normal" meals. I only purge my lunch because I don't eat breakfast and after I purge I don't feel like eating for a long time so I only eat a little at dinner anyway (which is the hardest meal for me to hide the purging). For example:
Yesterday I had my normal "breakfast" then I had a Pepsi (full calorie), two handfuls of cheese crackers, and 1 cup of beef stew. I purged it almost immediately. Of course I wasn't hungry at dinner time, so I spent a lot of time chopping veggies, and picking and nibbling on things so it seemed like I was eating the whole time. By the time it was ready to eat, I claimed I was too full. When in reality I'd only eaten half a carrot and some cucumber.
So that's the update. I really want to quit smoking! I also want to quit purging, but I don't think any New Years Resolution is gonna help much with that... I'm not getting down on myself about it tho. I actually feel really happy and motivated and good about myself. Nobody is perfect and everybody has their vices, so I'm not gonna beat myself up too bad. How are you doing?!

Computer Virus

My computer is totally shut down right now! I'll be back! UGH!

Super Skinny vs Super Size

My latest obsession is watching Superskinny vs Supersize on youtube. It's a show in the UK. Check it out and tell me what you think!

Boxing!

I'm always on the lookout for physical activity that I don't have to force myself to do. I really hate the traditional workout. If I hate something I can make myself do it only so much. This is the problem with my workout "routine" which for several weeks has been non-existant. Until now!
I went out of town to visit my best friend for the weekend. This friend is a boxing champion and gave me a quick (2 hours!) boxing workout.
I was sweating and my muscles were fatigued, but I wanted to keep going because it was FUN! Today my arms hurt so bad I can barely use them. My abs hurt from keeping them tight while I threw punches and protected myself, and my calves hurt from being on my toes for so long. I love it!
I wish we lived closer so that my friend could train me all the time! I'm looking into joining a boxing club, or maybe even taking boxing as a college class.

Update without a scale...

OK so I SUCK at doing the 2-4-6-8 thing. I can fast completely and I can eat a moderate/large amount of calories (800-1500) but I can't eat a very small amount of calories. I don't know why. It's like once I start eating, I just eat. If' I'm fasting, I just fast. So now that I've tried and tried and failed and failed at the ABC and 2-4-6-8 diets, I'm going to admit defeat and move on.

Moving on....

I've done a really great job at keeping myself from buying a scale. I really think I had a problem with the OCD weighing, and I like testing myself in different ways to see if I can cope without my various crutches. This is one of those self-tests. I know I've had some bad days and some really GOOD days with trying to be a skinny pear, I just don't know how it will all play out on the scale yet.

For this week I plan on fasting every other day and eating only lean protein, veggies, and whatever else I'm forced to cram down my throat because of social/family pressure. I don't have a specific calorie count in mind for non-fasting days because I really can't be bothered. I know if I eat things that are approved and fast the next day, a couple hundred calories here and there aren't going to be THAT huge of a deal.

So... a status update without knowing how much I weigh: last weekend I wore my old jeans from 2000/2001! Yay!

My meals for the day

I didn't eat yesterday and only drank green tea and water. I felt like a million bucks all day. It's amazing how good I feel when I don't eat!
Today is an eating day. Not an overeating day.

Meals:
Breakfast: Water

Lunch: my version of a hamburger which is 1/4c. browned ground beef, 3 mini pickles, and 1 low carb cracker.

Dinner: raw carrots, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, and sugar snap peas with 1 tblsp ranch dressing.

Grossness and Tips

So after my fever I, of course, got a fever blister (cold sore). It's super gross and hurts and makes me look awful.... but it also makes it harder to eat, so bonus. I would not reccomend getting a cold sore for weight loss purposes, but if you've already got one you might as well use it to your advantage. "Oh I can't eat that, my mouth hurts too bad."

Does anyone else purposely make themselves feel sick to avoid eating? I know that every time I take my One-A-Day Weight Smart vitamin I'm nauseous for hours. I don't get a lot done, but I also don't feel like eating so I do it.

I'm using Crest White Strips on my fast days to discourage me from eating. If I feel hungry and start thinking about eating, I put on the strips. You have to leave them on for 30 minutes, and by the time I take them off, I'm over wanting to eat. They're pretty expensive so I don't waste them. It works like a charm plus, I get super-white teeth!

Scale Withdrawal

As you know, I threw my scale away after last week's eye-opening WW meeting. I got super sick over the weekend so I missed this week's meeting, and because the coming Monday is a holiday I won't get weighed then either! I CAN'T stand it!
This is by far the longest I've ever gone without weighing myself. I didn't realize how often I did it until I couldn't. I'd get bored -- I'd weigh myself. I'd eat -- I'd weigh myself. I'd fast -- I'd weigh myself. It was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did every night before bed. I'm really surprised at what a close relationship I had with my scale!

Enough about my sordid love affair with my scale...

I've been doing pretty well lately. I fasted for a day and half after I binged for a couple days because of the upsetting WW meeting. A quick fast usually helps me get back on track. Looking at Ana blogs always helps too. I bought one of those enormous party trays of veggies at Costco this weekend and that's all I've been eating the last couple days (besides this HUGE lunch I was basically coerced into eating yesterday).
I'm not sure if I should run out and buy a new scale or just wait patiently to be weighed at the next meeting. Thoughts?